Be a Lady

August 3, 2008

We had our young adult beach retreat this weekend. I found my self faced with an interesting dilemma. We were playing board games in the living room and I kept finding ants crawling on me. Well by the end of the night one had managed to bite me on the back, upper thigh, above the hem of my shorts (not quite on my booty but close). Well we went on a walk on the beach later that night and my bug bite was getting pretty itchy. So it’s dark and there’s only flash light… but a lady can’t go scratching in public.

I seem to be one who gets caught doing socially questionable things, well often enough to be uncomfortable. And it got me wondering, “Do the other girls in my group have the same sorts of issues or am I just that special?” Or just females in general. I mean I was itchy. Did I have to go back to the house because I had a bug bite; would other people? Or maybe I am just too self conscious and nobody cares. I mean it’s not like I keep score on other people’s unladylike infractions (well except burping… I mean come on that’s gross.)

Two Paper Towels

July 18, 2008

In case you were wondering no AC and windows open equals more bugs. It’s gross. Most of them are dead by the time I find them (thanks Florida Pest Control) and I get rid of them with my dust buster. But occasionally I’ll find one that’s still very much alive. At first I was swinging shoes at them but that ended in bug splatter and broken knickknacks. So now I’ve made the determination that I can kill the bug with my hand if I use two layers of paper towels and then I wad it up and throw it away. It has to be two though, so you can’t feel it as much and there’s insurance against bug-gut seepage.

I once had to dispose of a dead mouse. Luckily only once. I found the traces in my cabinet so my exterminator brought me some glue traps. We spread peanut butter on them and closed them up in the cabinet for a week. Then I psyched my self up to go check on it. I didn’t know whether I wanted it to be there or not. It was there… So i took a wire hanger and bent it into a long hook and got one of the boxes I still had left over from packing. I used the hanger to scoot the whole thing into the box. Then I through all of it out in my big trash container and rolled it right out to the street.

Oh yes and I was also wearing disposable latex gloves. Working at Superkids in the infant room introduced me to the magic that is latex gloves. It was part of the diaper changing routine. Wash your hands, put on the gloves, change the baby, dispose of the dirty diaper by flipping your glove around it, and wash your hands again. It’s a great system.

Now I am a cleaning fiend when I have my gloves on. I can touch all sorts of gross things. I consider listing them here but you all know the gross things that need to be cleaned. I even tried gardening in latex gloves, which I do not recommend. They don’t hold up well against rocks and trigs. But I didn’t want to get my hands dirty.

I can’t decide whether this is a good or a bad thing. The perception of protection that I have empowers me to do all sorts of stuff… things that I maybe would not have done. But it’s protection only as far as you don’t run across a stray stick, or a sharp knife, or a counter corner, or a bug with a little more will to live. Then it throws your well ordered, germ free, protected plan into a tail spin.

We live a lot of our lives relying on this fragile protection: things that don’t last, and people who leave at the first sign of trouble. So I guess you have two choses, get better gloves, or be ready to wash your hands.

Borrow a Baby

June 25, 2008

The premise is the teenage couples get to borrow some kids. One couple wants to get married, one was about to break up and one wants to have a baby now. And I presume that these are 18 year olds because it looks like they live with their parents. It sounded like a good idea for reality tv to me so I’m watching it. But wait… they also get a house of their own. So so far 30 minutes into the show we have seen about ten shot of the couples sleeping, arguing, cuddling, and yelling at each other… in bed together.

These are real live teenagers. You should see the fits they are throwing. They all have a nanny assigned to them. And the baby’s parents get to watch on closed circuit television. So one of the moms just came over because the baby wasn’t eating enough food and our teenager just gave her all sorts of attitude, “He just doesn’t want to eat.” Right, the baby doesn’t want to eat. So her boyfriend come back from the grocery store and she gives the baby to him and goes and pouts on the bed. “I’m not here to get bitched out, I’m not touching it again.”

Oh look in bed together again. Now I am not naive. I’m sure these teens have been in bed before. But who thinks this is a good idea. The whole point of the show is that they are not grown up yet. Do their parents care? It’s just wrong in so many ways. Go get a stinking babysitting job. We have enough playing like your married going on.